So did you hear the one about the zombie who tortured his victims with music?
-His BACH was worse than his bite!
What’s black, white, and dead all over?
-A zombie in a TUXEDO!
How about that zombie who was expelled from school?
-He kept BUTTERING up his teacher!
Okay, okay… I’m sorry; enough with the stink bombs. Just don’t expect zombies to be so apologetic. Most are ruthless, flesh-starved killers, and there’s no better time to prepare for their inevitable takeover than right now! Pin on that gray ribbon, ‘cos May is Zombie Awareness Month!
Wait… I know what you’re thinking… ‘May? The month of flowers and moms?’ Let me explain. You see, zombies weren’t always rotting bottomless pits of hunger. Once upon a time, before everything went all crazy in the 1960s, zombies were, more often than not, relegated to the role of henchmen carrying out nefarious plots - dead people brought back to life by the magical/mystical power of some stereotypically creepy looking dude up to no good. The ‘modern zombie’ that we all know and love has been more or less a great big work in progress (arguably) since 1968 when the game changer/local horror classic Night of the Living Dead was released. Since then your friend and mine, the zombie, has been refined endlessly through horror films (and books!) that have, for better or worse, added and tweaked characteristics along the way. A whole bunch of movies that were really crucial in creating the rotting bottomless pit zombie (including Night of the Living Dead) are set in the merry month of May, hence the celebration/preparation.
So what the heck are you supposed to do during Zombie Awareness Month??? Get ready for the undead – that’s what! The Zombie Research Society, which started the month-long vigil, is all about survival. They’ve compiled a map of zombie outbreaks that may have potentially gone down throughout history – a great way to familiarize yourself with some possible attack scenarios and response actions (got a lead coffin handy?) – as well as a list of the top ten safest countries to be in during a zombie pandemic (based on factors like population density, climate, topography, gun-ownership, military capability, natural resources, and public infrastructure). We at CLP Carrick will be brushing up on our zombie-bustin’ know-how the easy way – with popcorn and a movie! Join us for our Teen Zombie Movie Saturday on May 18th at 1:30… you never know, it just might save your life.
Zombies go nom nom nom:
Jon : Carrick